Episode 10: 11/10/08

Readings:

Psalm 77
Nehemiah 9:1-25
Revelation 18:1-8
Matthew 15:21-28

Sermon:

I will cry aloud to God; *
I will cry aloud, and he will hear me.
Psalm 77:1

I cannot begin to count the number of times I have cried out to the Lord, but I can confidently testify that He has indeed heard me and answered me each time that I did. If He hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here speaking today.

Through the darkest nights of my life, when I felt, as did the psalmist, that the Lord had cast me off forever, I clung to that tiny shred of hope that His loving-kindness had not come to an end, that if I cried out to Him, He would hear me and save me.

When I became pregnant with my oldest daughter 15 years ago, I was thrilled even more than I normally would be. I had recently suffered a miscarriage, and my doctor told me I would be unable to have any other children without surgery and in-vitro fertilization. So this baby was my miracle baby.

But it didn’t take long to realize that something wasn’t going right this time either. My morning sickness became all-day sickness, and instead of getting better after the first few weeks, it never quit. The baby didn’t move much, and I was going in to the doctor every day for stress tests to make sure her heart was still beating. The doctor suggested that it would be entirely understandable if I wanted to have an abortion and try again.

But I cried out to the Lord, and my friends cried out with me, and He heard me, and my baby was delivered.

It quickly became apparent, however, that something wasn’t right with my newborn daughter. It turned out that she had suffered a stroke while still in the womb, and the left side of her brain was heavily damaged. The right side of her body was twisted and paralyzed. Her facial muscles were too weak to be able to suckle. Her doctors were not optimistic.

As we struggled along, thankful for each day that she survived, we began to undergo almost daily tests and evaluations, each one bringing in more unwelcome news. The therapists said she would probably never walk or talk, and that she would be severely retarded. She suffered terrible seizures, and her doctors struggled to find the right medication to bring them under control. I was exhausted and in despair, telling myself that this time the Lord had really forsaken me. As I would drive wearily between home and hospital, I would think longingly of just driving my car off the road and crashing into something. No one would have to know it was deliberate; my family would assume I fell asleep at the wheel and drifted off to my tragic end.

And yet, as I tried to cling to an ever-fading hope, little things would happen that I could see as an answer to prayer. The baby would sleep through the night for a rare change, or my mother would fly down for the weekend and fix me my favorite comfort foods. Then the Lord answered me in a totally unexpected way: I became pregnant again. From that time on, I put aside my thoughts of killing myself, focusing on protecting that little life inside me.

Again my friends rallied to me, offering me encouragement, though I often didn’t appreciate it. One friend was fond of quoting St. Paul’s instructions to be thankful for everything, and to give thanks in all circumstances. It wasn’t easy for me to find something to be thankful for, but as I made the effort, I could begin to see how the Lord had reached out to me, touching me with His love. And I could begin to see a history there, how He had answered every time I cried out. This was a great blessing to me in hard days ahead, when I could say like the Psalmist,

I will remember the works of the LORD, *
and call to mind your wonders of old time.

I will meditate on all your acts *
and ponder your mighty deeds.

As time went on, and my daughter grew stronger and healthier; when the time between hospital trips could be counted in months rather than days, and then years rather than months; when my concern for her survival was replaced by irritation over teenage behavior; I had the assurance that my God was indeed a God who worked wonders, who had redeemed me and my family just as He had redeemed His people of old. No matter what the future still has in hold for us, we can confidently stand on His promise that He will hear and answer us whenever we cry out to Him.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.